I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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