Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
