All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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