So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
