I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
