I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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