His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
