my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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