Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
