his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
