And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
