She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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