He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
