just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
