Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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