smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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