so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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