You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
