Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
