Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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