Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
