I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
