I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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