I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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