This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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