So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
