suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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