he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
