If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
