my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the day after is always just damage control
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
