I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
