Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
