Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
