I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
