when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
