we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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