even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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