Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
