Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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