i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
