What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
