I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
