it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
