I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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