I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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