So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
