there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
