I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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