I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
