Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
