Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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