I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
