so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
