So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
