When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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