just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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