We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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