worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
someone owes me an orgasm
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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