these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
