The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
