Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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