i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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