So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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