She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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