i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
